What is Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder?
Anyone conducting a health study into the psyche of snowmobilers like my friends in the accompanying photos would quickly discover a unique and chronic condition that results from snowmobile riding. It deserves some highfalutin, medicinal type name. Maybe it would be “No Snow Phobia” or “Between Season Stress Syndrome” or how about “Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder”?
Yeah, I like that one best. Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder (SSAD) is real, acute and incurable. Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder strikes sometime after snow conditions go down the dumper and goes into remission when winter arrives again. It also hits full force when the the season ends for good. In these periods when there is no snowmobiling, withdrawal symptoms keeps snowmobilers like us in a continual state of anticipation, agitation, hope, and impatience.
These symptoms of Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder are many and varied. They include summer behaviours that are complex, aberrant and annoyingly inexplicable to non-snowmobilers.
Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder Obsessive Behaviours Include…
- Checking out every snowmobile trail and sign visible from the road
- Going out of your way to eat at a favourite snowmobiling restaurant
- Watching endless reruns of snowmobile TV shows or snowmobile videos
- Meeting friends for a BBQ and talking about nothing but snowmobile riding
- Dreaming about snowmobiling while asleep
- Visiting your current snow machine to make sure it’s doing okay without you
- Tracking favourite snowmobile tours on last year’s snowmobile trail guides
- Checking your mailbox constantly for your first snowmobile magazine
- Changing your smart phone’s incoming call signal to the sound of revving snow machines
- Talking to your current snow machine about the snowmobile tours you’re going to do together this winter
- Dreaming about snowmobiling while awake
- Using any old excuse to visit your snowmobile dealer so you can chat about snowmobiling
- Wishing that it was snow every time it pours & hoping Mother Nature will save some for next winter
- Reminiscing about past snowmobile rides with old sledding photos and videos
- Believing you heard your current snow machine responding that it’s ready & raring to go
- Picturing a snowmobile trailer following behind whenever you drive your tow vehicle
- Visiting multiple snowmobile dealers you don’t even know to chat even more about snowmobiling
- Dreaming about snowmobiling while getting it on.
- Checking Facebook hourly for snowmobile news and updates posted by others
- Driving non-snowmobiling friends crazy with the snowmobile news & updates you share
- Catching yourself snow dreaming during important meetings
- Getting excited about seeing trucks loaded with new snow machine deliveries
- Wishing you were sledding while doing summer motorsports
- Trying to start a relationship with your new snow machine while it’s still crated at the dealership
- Both you and your partner dreaming about snowmobiling while getting it on
- Playing “I Spy” with your kids as a covert way to count parked trail groomers
- Being a more frequent contributor to snowmobile groups and forums in summer than winter
- Pretending that messed up morning hair in your mirror is helmet head
- Trying to score enough brownie points with your significant other to go snowmobiling more with less hassle
- Dreaming about snowmobiling while dreaming about snowmobiling
- Counting down the days to winter with snowmobile memes to annoy summer lovers
- Realizing that your winter calendar is already packed with snowmobile ride dates & plans
- Cranking up your home AC so you can wear snowmobile gear with your helmet head
- Checking The Weather Network frequently to see if it’s snowing anywhere yet
- Secretly squirrelling away a stash of cash to fund your snowmobile tours
- Starting to make excuses already for why you must take all your available holidays in winter
- Ignoring friends & family who think you need to see a shrink
- Ignoring your own suspicion that maybe you do need to see a shrink
- Agreeing to see a shrink, but only if that person’s an avid snowmobiler
- Enjoying this post way too much and adding to this list while getting it on
So how severely afflicted are you by Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder?
- If you scored 50% or less (20 or under), there’s likely still some hope for you.
- If you scored between 50 and 75% (20 to 30), it’s probably not to late to see that shrink who’s a snowmobiler.
- If you scored between 75 and 100% (30 to 40), you’re too far-gone with Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder for help, so just hang in there.
But if you scored more than 100% (40 or more) by doing everything on this list and adding to it, please let the rest of us afflicted with Snowmobiling Separation Anxiety Disorder (SSAD) know so we can join you in becoming even more nuts about snowmobiling than we already are!
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The tips and advice in this blog are the opinions of the author, may not work in every situation and are intended only for the convenience and interest of the reader, who has the personal responsibility to confirm the validity, accuracy and relevancy of this information prior to putting it to their own use.